I thought that today would help me get my mind off of the problem I've been having lately. Distance myself from the internet at least for a few hours; spend some time with my friends... Play some games, hang out. Have fun. We do it every weekend, but, it only gets old when we end up doing it all week, too.

I was pretty much wrong.

So now what, right? I still have that problem on the internet.. And now real life is being ugly again. I can't even sleep it off because my subconscious is a shithead.

Ahh, nowhere to run.

The funniest thing is that as I type this, I am smiling. It's a bitter smile, but I just don't have the energy or the strength to frown anymore. I'm not entirely sure if that's bad or good. I've reached that point again- the point where I throw up my hands and just- give up. I mean... Maybe if I give up? I won't be so disappointed when things don't end up turning out okay like I want. Maybe if I give up I can be satisfied with mediocre. Mediocre? Would be a very welcome change right now.

After today.. I'm hoping tomorrow will be mediocre enough to balance out my weekend. There's no way it could possibly be 'great.' But right this second, I think I would settle for 'Meh.'

OH AND SUP, amatomnes PEOPLE! I got me a Ken, and a Laura, and Elise, methenks? Anyone else I'm forgetting? Oh and Mike.

Alright, let's see what you get.

COMMENTS SCREENED SO YOU CAN'T CHEAT AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

(1 Points) What's my first name:
(1 Point) My last name:
(5 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(2 Points) Where do I live:
(2 Points) What color are my eyes:
(3 Points) Who am I in love with:
(2 Points) Where did we meet:
(3 Points) What am I afraid of:
(4 Points) Describe my taste in the opposite and/or same sex:
(2 Points) Do I smoke:
(3 Points) Do I drink/What do I drink:
(2 Points, +1 point for each name) How many siblings do I have:
(2 Points, +1 point for each name) How many pets do I have:
(4 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do:
(3 Points) Who is/are my favorite person/people:
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music:
(3 Points) What do I eat on pizza:
(3 Points) Name something I hate:
(3 Points) Name someone I hate:
(5 Points) What are my parents' names:
(4 Points) Name a talent I have:
(5 Points) What are my vices:
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring:

JSDFLKJSADLKFJSDLKFJLKSDJFIDSJFOISJDFALJSDFJAWEOIFPOISWJAFPJPDOSFJPOJDFVPOJDSAPFJP;FOJPOSAFJPOJFPOA;JFJDSLKFJASLDFJLKASJDFLKAJSDFLKJWAEFJDSFPJEWPOFJPSDOJDJFALKJSDLKJSDLFJKLDSAJF;LSDJFOWJFAPOWEFJPOJPOGVHDPSOJFWOPESWUFROIWUIOQNCUWORIUIWEOTUIOJIKALWOHPGQIUREWOPRPWOIEFJEA;FHWEQUIOWUROIUWEIOFJASDFJ;ASDJF;ASDFLKJSDFLKJSDFOSDOFIWOUQIUWERYSJDFLKAJSDFOIUQWIOERUIOJFLASDHFHWEOIHIOHOHWFEJLKDSKLDFSLKDSKLDSFJLKSDAJFKAJSDOIHOIASHBDSOFIBUWGAUFIYSDOFYUOIWUEPQFJPOANHIOGHIOASUDFRIOWUPIOVFIOSHDGOOIUFWIOJFIOSHDFOIHEOIFGHOIRUTIOQUWETOIUWQEREWQROIWEOIFHIOWQYTWEIORIOWQEJFIKDSHASJDHFIUOWQEPUOTIKHUDISYAFUSTDFGYBSDAHFOPJURWQIUIEWORHWIQURIOFAJIOSHDUGOSDYFOIUWEOIUROIWERUOWIUEROIWUEROIWEUFIOJSDFLKJASDLKFJSDOIFJLSGHASJKDFKLASJFLKAJSDFLALSKFJAPSODUFOISAUFOIWUEOIRUQOWUERFOASDJFALSDJFLKANSDVJKBDSKAJRHEWYRQUOIWEUIAYOWEHFDSKHFKAJSDHFIQUWREOIIOIOEWRUIUFYSDUFHSDFHJVBBAFDSFJKAHLSDFHQIUWERIUWYERUIYIUAFHDSFKJHASDFLKHSDKJHKJGHKJSAHGKLAJHZKJHXKJHAKJHDFJKASHFIUQOWIEPQUEWOIDSUFGIAOSUDFJASDGKJSDF;JSADFLKSAKLFJSADFOIUASDOIFGUSDOIFUSAPDFUPASDUFJEJCRJKJUIOEWRUOIWQORU09423WUWEIOJJFJKLDSJFKLASDJVNSDFJHSDAOIFUYEOWIQROPUEWOIFASKLFIJ;DSUF;LJWOIHF;IAHSDFHASD;FHASDFJSDKLFJLKJDWFOIWEUFOIAJSDF

/HATES SELF FOREVER

MY ROOM SMELLS AMAZING.

I just thought you needed to know. ♥

/sigh.

I didn't use to be such a baby about things, but for some reason lately domestic abuse jokes really just make me.. Angry? I think experiencing it and being in the middle of it is partially to blame. I'm pretty good at laughing at my situation, but mostly when it's resolved. When I'm sitting in the middle of it, I just. Don't find it hilarious at all.

I apologize if that is upsetting people right now, but I just. Can't handle it. I'd rather leave the room than spoil other people's fun, though. So that's why I did it.

ANYWAY THAT ASIDE, DID YOU GUYS HEAR I HAD AN AWESOME WEEKEND CAUSE I DID.

We chilled out for most of it, me, Sam, Jamie and Mikhael. Nayru couldn't make it Friday night so she came Saturday after we went swimming. Good times in the pool, oh yeah. Except it was fucking freezing so half the time I was like.. draping myself across the cement because it was just so WARM.

That shit Saturday night happened, but I've already covered that previously.

And then Sunday. I had a Chii. 8] And it was awesome.

CHII IS LIKE THE COOLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA. I was so nervous about it but after she got here it was like, hee, it's a Chii. Ffff, sorry I'm so like. Shy and quiet and like. ,_, I've been told the fact that I'm so awkward and uncomfortable-acting makes people feel uncomfortable? XD I'M SURE I WAS SO. Yeah. Nayru probably experienced that too. I have a hard time warming up to people. But it isn't because I don't think you're cool cause I do, I'm shy retarded. ♥

We just. Giggled, mostly. And I gave her horrible directions. I'm terrible at my own city, I don't know my way around at all. @_@ I navigate by familiar sights- like, I could drive all the way to Myrtle Beach just from the sights alone. I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, TOO. A-at least when you said "Target and Home Depot" I was like "OH MANY THAT'S LIKE RIGHT DOWN THE STREET." LOL. ;; Failuuure.

Anyway yeah she got here and my dogs attacked her. 8|;; And I like. Did some kind of magical girl transformation in the bathroom while I was on the phone. I've only changed that fast like twice before in my life and once was because I was running late for school and the other because someone was dead.

After that we roamed the.. mall across the street and then went to see Transssformerssssss.

( My thoughts about Transformers, only about 2 weeks late lmfao )

Other than that ummm. I'm sorry I'm so boring Chii lmfao. ;; It was fun to play on the IC anon memes together though because FFFFFFF I GOT FIRST SUKKAAAA. And I'm sorry my dog pooped in front of the couch you were on and I'm sorry I can't eat when I first wake up because otherwise I'll be all sick jsdflajaldsjf I SUCK I'M SORRY IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY.

B-but I have fun. ; u ; Hanging out with you you're awesome, sob. (LOL I should have let you look at my doujinshi. 8| I have so much. I meant to but I forgotttt.)

Kyrie is lame what else is news. XD

I give up. orz

Now I remember why I quit trying to talk to people in the first place.

I really wanted today to be good but for some reason I can't help but feel this.. Overwhelming sense of 'blah.' Even though I did actually have fun.

Maybe that's the problem? XD I keep having fun and then when I have any downtime and I'm not doing something and having fun, I feel like.. Really just. Depressed when I should be like. I SHOULD BE OKAY. But I'm not? I mean I am, but I'm not. It's really confusing. I'm confused.

Maybe I'll end up going to sleep earlier tonight? That would be nice.

At least my room is clean. With the exception of the clothes hamper by my desk and a few things still laying around.. And the blankets. Everything is clean. I feel pretty damn accomplished. I set out to do something and actually did it.

This happened today:

Jamie> I don't want to play Halo, but I want to play a shooter..
Kyrie> Okay, go jerk off into the toilet- there's a shooter for you.
(There was laughing. And then:)
Mikhael> Or you can go jerk Sam off into the toilet- that's a third person shooter.

... Thought that was funny.

I'm sitting here awake because I'm waiting for my legs to dry. While I'm at it, let me tell you a story which is kind of TMI but I am too tired to use a cut so if you're easily grossed out just- skip it?:

So. I was in bed, trying to get to sleep (failing) after staying up way too long cleaning my room (almost done! I'll be done before Sunday, yus!) when I decided I should go to the bathroom, as.. Well TMI but sometimes that helps me go to sleep. (I call it "dicking around in the bathroom" which is a combination of using the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and doing.. Various other bathroom things. This is why I wish I had my own bathroom.) Anyway, I go potty, and as I'm in there.. I hear.. Noises. I think, "it's probably Kodiak tearing something up, I'll go check before I go back to my room." So I go check.. It's actually Roxie. She climbed up on the table and way eating Kodiak's food out of the bag. ;; So I pick her up and put her on the floor and make it so she can't climb up again and turn to go back to my room when I notice..

A pile of dog poop. Okay.

Sidestep it so I can go get the toilet paper and clean it up, right?

Wrong.

Apparently Kodiak likes to crap like a minefield because I stepped. Right in some. Awesome. Kind of hobble to the bathroom, wash my feet off (I was planning on doing it anyway since my room's floor is soooo dirty my feet turned BLACK while we were cleaning it from stepping in places that haven't been vacuumed in ages- well a mixture of that and being outside barefoot). As I'm washing my feet, accidentally spraying my legs with the water faucet (good jorb, Kyrie) I start thinking:

Isn't stepping in someone else's shit becoming like- a metaphor for my life or something? Like, no matter what I do, I always end up with crap on me. I can sidestep, I can hop over it, I can try to avoid it altogether but- in the end, it always winds up the same. Me trying to rinse it off and end up getting myself even worse off.. And then having to do the clean up for someone else later on.

Yep.

It's a fucking metaphor.

... Either that or I am way too tired because it's 10:17 am and I've been up for a good 19 hours. Going to sleep. Hopefully. (I'M NOT LEAVING MY ROOM AGAIN THAT IS FOR SURE.)

Your result for Roleplayer Test!...

The Smutfic

Random, Action-Oriented, Sexual

Take Roleplayer Test! at HelloQuizzy

LMFAO.

SOMEWHAT TRUE? I mean, I do enjoy playing in sex games and dressing rooms, and yeah, I like to play the porn quite a bit. I like sexual and romantic tension between characters a lot but I also like to have some.. Drama in there. Not like "oh the drama" but I mean.. Like, storyline? I can't play all porn all the time. I wouldn't want to. 8| If there isn't any basis for the porn I get pretty bored. Sometimes random smut can be fun, but, I'd still rather have something fleshed out.

I'm not really easily bored by plots that don't involve sex, though. 8| Otherwise I wouldn't play Dahlia.

Ahhhh. New Paramore is fucking tight lmfao. They played it at the concert and I've had it stuck in my head ever since, and I've been trying to get it out of my head but I just couldn't. But apparently it came out today so I downloaded that shit and I've got it on repeat. :| Fuck yeah.

So the beach? Not until the end of the month. Which is okay, I guess. I can't wait, I really want to go. But I won't be missing anything, I don't think. Except maybe Kazuo's birthday. But no one would probably celebrate it with him anyway. XD

I need to clean my roooommm before the weekend. :| LOL CHII IS GOING TO WALK IN HERE AND BE LIKE "... did a tornado happen in here." orz I NEED TO CLEAN IT AHHH. It's such a wreck FML.

I had a dream all of my teeth fell out last night. Did not like that dream very much.

This is a short, random journal. Ffff. Maybe I'll write. Something more substantial later. Whateverrr.

SHE MADE ME DO IT. :|

parametric OOPS i nearly used the uke!sho!bukkake icon
kyriesanctus sdfasdfadsFFF
parametric THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BAD
kyriesanctus SHO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THAT FOREST
kyriesanctus ARE MONSTERS JIZZING ON YOU
parametric HAHAHAHAHAHA
parametric OH GOD
parametric I'M
parametric I CAN'T BREATHE
parametric LMFAO
kyriesanctus sdfjksld BREATHE
kyriesanctus LOL I got up to see what my the dog was barking at
kyriesanctus And I walked by Jamie's room
kyriesanctus And I heard like the noise pins make when you move them around
kyriesanctus And I was like
kyriesanctus "Am.. I hearing things?"
parametric lksdjkjdfa lmf
kyriesanctus I've been playing too much TWEWY
kyriesanctus I'm hearing
kyriesanctus Pins
kyriesanctus But it was actually Jamie playing
parametric hahaha
parametric /updates status
kyriesanctus ?
parametric can you see aim statuses?
kyriesanctus Nope. 8(
parametric oh
parametric well it says "NINO WANTS TO SEE MONSTERS JIZZING ON SHO'S FACE"
kyriesanctus JFLKSDF FFF
kyriesanctus I just see
kyriesanctus Suzaku's D8 face
kyriesanctus And Suzaku going
parametric sdalkjf;as;jadsjf lmfao
kyriesanctus SHO, ARE MONSTERS JIZZING ON YOUR FACE? IS EVERYTHING OKAY?!
parametric LSKDJFA;LDJSLFKJSLFAJDFAL OH MY GOD
kyriesanctus GINO SOMETHING IS WRONG
kyriesanctus MONSTERS ARE JIZZING ON SHO'S FACE
parametric SDKFAJKFA;LFJD;FAJKDJAFLSDFA

Goodnight. XD

Dropped Toshima.

I'm not ashamed of standing up for what I believe is right- not here or anywhere. It's not just that, though- I've never felt so estranged from both the mods and the players in a game ever. It's usual to feel estranged from the mods- they're supposed to be kind of untouchable, like. The Wizard of Oz, you know? Some faceless, powerful entity that carries out judgements in a fair and unbiased manner. But I've never felt like I didn't have a person in a community I could call a friend. Or say that I really enjoyed playing with them. I mean, of coruse I enjoyed playing with Nayru and Ciara- that's obvious. I enjoyed playing with Halle-mun.

But I was never all that motivated for Toshima, anyway. The reasons why I joined- because I had a few moments of fun filling out a survey about Noir, playing him in IC_S, wanting to do something nice for Ciara, wanting to interact with Nayru's Gogo as Noir- all seemed to dwindle and fade really quickly. I think I could do better playing with Noir in my musebox than anywhere else.

This commjacking? Was really just the last straw for something that had been coming for quite a while.

But it's still the first time I've dropped anywhere before. It feels weird.

Got accepted at thetower_rpg. I'm trying to decide between making a new journal for Yosuke or just using the one I use at Amat. I guess it would be easier for me to just use the same one, but on the same hand.. I don't want to have both communities watched on one flist. ;; I could get confused. orz But I love that username, haha. ♫justacityboy~ Born and raised in South Detrooit! He took the midnight train going an-y-wheere~!♫ It's not as if I can't think up another one I just. XD Really like that one, lmfao. I guess I could just not have the community watched and visit the main page? Because I like the layout better at the Tower than I do Amat.. (I mostly use Suzaku's journal for browsing the flist at Amat since his layout is so.. Simple and because he ends up talking to the most people. WHY SO SOCIAL SUZAKU;; XD)

Ugh. And I need a canonpoint. Canonpoint, canonpoint.. IDEK. Hngh. I'll think about it while we're at the pool I guess.

In other news: I'M GOING TO THE BEACH!!!!!!!11111

Yeah, Dad came over yesterday and was like, "Hey guys, Sue is going to NH for a couple of days, would you like to come to the beach with me while she's gone?" Um, yes. Yes I would. 8DD (LOL THAT'S RIGHT, TESS, ALBA, SUE IS HEADED YOUR WAY. YOU DEAL WITH HER, MWAHAHAHA.) But um. Yeah. Beach beach beach! I don't know when we're going so I'm going to go ahead and start planning now. First things first- I need to burn my traveling music. Here is hoping Dad will be far more satisfied with my music choices this year? Ha!

Um, and. I guess that means I will. Finally have to call a hiatus at Amat. o_o I've never done it. Not once. I'm just not a very hiatus-y girl. XD I've only ever called one semi-hiatus anywhere, and I played MORE during that time than I did any other time, really. I'm looking forward to going to the beach, but.. I'm not really looking forward to potentially missing Sho's return. 8( Or Gino waking up from his medication coma. Or Sam going into the forest. And I have to figure out who is doing what. (Suzaku is forested, definitely. Dahlia is autopilot, obviously. Kaz could handle autopilot but WOULDN'T IT BE AMUSING TO SHAKE THINGS UP AND SEND HIM TO THE FOREST? Zoey is forested cause she cannot be trusted right now. Himawari gets autopilot, probably. And. Yosuke. Yosuke could handle autopilot. Well, everyone but Suzaku and Zoey could, but I'd like to mix things up and forest some people, haha. >D) I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHEN THIS IS TAKING PLACE. /HOLDS HEAD.

Also Jamie and I now have Devil Survivor. It is Jamie's first "Shit Megami Tensei" experience. (No, he was trying to type Shin Megami Tensei and ended up typing Shit Megami Tensei on a forum that censors what you say, so it ended up saying Birdy Megami Tensei. XD) It's my second.. I haven't started playing yet. I'm kind of way too into TWEWY right now to play anything else. I can't even stop myself from loadinggg.

OKAY SO. To-do list for today is have fun swimming and burn some CDs for the road trip. Tomorrow we have plans (I think?) but. IDK. ANYWAY. 8) Awesome.

Edited to say:
♫ DOON'T STOP BELIEEEVIN'~!♫

PICK ONE OF MY CHARACTERS AND I WILL TELL YOU:
→ why I decided to play this character
→ my favorite scene or bit of interaction concerning this character to date
→ my favorite original aspect about this character (headcanon)
→ the last thing they did "off screen"
→ what their last words would be if they died tomorrow
→ what the next thing I'm doing for them is (narrative, post, shelving, whatever)

@ amatomnes
Dahlia Hawthorne [Ace Attorney Series] ☆ but_not_a_rose
Kazuo Saitoh [Bus Gamer] ☆ no_name_gamer
Suzaku Kururugi [Code Geass] ☆ knightmeplz
Zoey [Left 4 Dead] ☆ flashlights_off
Himawari Kunogi [xxxHOLIC] ☆ takeyourscars
Yosuke Hanamura [Persona 4] ☆ justacityboy

@ nihil_rp [NOW CLOSED]
Matt [Death Note] ☆ callmestripes

@ toshima_rp [DROPPING SOON]
AU!Near/Noir [Death Note] ☆ inverted_logic

@ Nowhere
Euphemia li Britannia [Code Geass] ☆ pink_pacifism
Matt [Death Note] ☆ auto_matt_ic
Whammy's House Age Matt [Death Note] ☆ m_bit
Whammy's House Age Mello [Death Note] ☆ minor_addiction
Aerith Gainsborough [Final Fantasy 7] ☆ unseen_wings
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya [Mass Effect] ☆ farfromflotilla
Shilo Wallace [REPO! The Genetic Opera] ☆ chasing_flies
Max [Sam and Max} ☆ cuteandkinetic
Genis Sage [Tales of Symphonia] ☆ pancake_time
Lloyd Irving [Tales of Symphonia] ☆ falconscrest

That's only like a fraction of them but these and the ones I've actually PLAYED soemwhere. I also have.. 3 or.. 4.. new muses that. I have username ideas for, but I haven't created them yet. >_>

Ahhhhhhh I don't know what to doooooooo.

AND I MEAN IT, TOO, SUKKA.

Funny how one measly sentence can make you feel terrible enough about yourself to make you want to stop talking to people altogether.

Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson..

Talk about a triple whammy.